My Abuse My Story

This past month, I recreated my website and an idea came to me about helping victims of abuse become survivors. I put a request out there for others to share their story, so with that I wanted to share my story as well. Although I've shared my story with a few friends, I have not shared details with the public. I feel anxious and vulnerable, but if I can help one person move from victim to victor then it is all worth it.

My 2 brothers and I were born into poor to low income family, our life consisted of hard times, low rental (Government Housing) and later a house my parents bought that was falling apart. My Dad was a body man, who fixed cars, and my mom did odd jobs here and there. My Dad always worked hard and provided as best he could but was a very distant person. I don't have alot of memories about my parents, sometimes I think I blocked them out. My parents were emotionally and physically unattached from us, and my mom was a drug addict. My brothers and I always had to fend for ourselves. One year I can remember stealing from the "Lost and Found" just to have the "in" things.

The house in London Ontario where I grew up

At 3 years old my life changed. My dad's friend showed up at our house at 1:00 am in the morning, he was drunk and could not make it home. So when he came to our door my Dad let him in and told him to stay on the couch. About an hour later, I woke up screaming with this big 250 lb man on top of me. He made his way to my bedroom and began to sexually abuse me. After what seemed forever my mom came in and pulled him off me, he was half passed out. He removed my clothes, and pulled his pants down and he was seconds from raping me. I was only 3. After that day, I was terrified of men. Shortly after that happened, approximately 2 weeks later the doorbell rings, and my mom opens the door, and I heard "The Voice". I screeched, and cried, I was hysterical. It was "The Bad Man", he came back because my dad told him he would paint his car. Until this day, I cannot understand.

 My second close call was when I was 10 years old. I went by my girl guide leaders house and her brother was there, and he told me she stepped out, but will be right back. He was about 15 or 16 years old. He lured me downstairs to "her bedroom" to wait. But I soon realized it was his bedroom and we were the only ones there. He tried to take my clothes off and I told him if he does I am going to scream. He said who cares no one is going to hear you. So after an hour of him trying to get my clothes off he went upstairs to grab something. I looked at the basement window and I pushed it opened and started to climb up through it, he came down stairs and I was almost out, he yelled at me and said he was going to call the cops, and tell them I broke into the house. I got out and I ran. Later on, I found out he did this to several other girls. But they weren't able to get out, and he did to them what he probably would have done to me.

At 13 years old I started babysitting for people in the neighbourhood, and there was a family I babysat for often. I always loved babysitting for them because they were always so nice and would let me have a friend over. One time I babysat by myself, it was a normal night, kids were great, and the parents came home around midnight. The husband drove me home as he usually did. But that night he crossed the line, he put his hand up my shorts, and tried to touch me. I felt like I was going to scream, but I stayed calm. I started talking about his kids, and then he stopped. Thank God!

At this point in my life I started to think I am a target and felt like I was a marked individual. Meaning people could tell that I was abused and that I was an easy target to do it again.

Later that summer when I was 13 years old I went away to babysit for a family member. These family members were like parents to me, I loved them with all of my heart. The wife of the abuser nurtured me like a mother nurturers their child. To this day I still love and miss her. Sadly it was too good to be true, the abuser started crossing the line by subtle things. Because I was aware, I knew what was coming. I would try to avoid my uncle, but one day my uncle came home early and I was in the pool with the kids. My uncle came into the pool and sexually abused me. After it happened, I ran, and ran, I cut my leg because I was running so hard I fell. It was the country and I had one friend there but she lived quite a ways down the road. When I got there I told her what happened. I was terrified of going back. In the evening I went back, my aunt made one of my favourite meals, and I couldn't touch it, I was sick to my stomach. He told me not to tell or he would lie and make up stories. He said I was old enough to take it, and he wanted to be my first. I later found out my uncle had taken other girls to the corn field and done stuff to them as well. Sadly my family was ripped apart because of him. It disgusts me that people in my family did not support me, but they supported him. When I was 18 years old I thought I was ready to "deal" with it, so I pressed charges. I was bullied so badly from my family that I dropped the charges.

I felt like a loss soul. I felt sad, angry, frustrated, neglected, not protected, not loved, and the list goes on. I put all the abuse in the back of my mind and I blocked it out. Years later I entered into college at 18 years old, I befriended a young lady who had had a similar childhood as I did. But she was being raped on a regular basis. She was brought over from the Philippians to go to school but her family ended up abusing her. When I heard her story I convinced her to go to the school counsellor. As she began to share her story, I started going back to the days of my abuse, and the counsellor noticed something was wrong. Needless to say she convinced me to talk about it, tell my parents, and press charges, and that was the first time I told any adults. I had been carrying the abuse for years and years. Although it felt good to talk about it, nothing changed. My mom addressed it, but that is when the family was split apart.

Through it all,  I remained an active kid who took on the mother roll at a young age, and tried to make the right choices. When all this crazy stuff was happening I said to myself, I have two choices, I can either become real bad, or real good. I chose to throw myself into sports and be a good kid. Although I may not have been able to choose my childhood, I can certainly choose my adulthood. I did not want to continue the cycle so I made the conscious effort to change "My Story". As Oprah has said "we all get to choose what we give our attention to.. pain or the JOY!" It's up to you to choose.

I am a survivor of sexual abuse, neglect, child of divorce, my own divorce, depression, and attempted suicide. I realized all of these things happening in my life were life lessons. Now lets fast forward to 2010, I started to understand my Life Purpose. Once you start to realize why all these things happened to you, you start to understand what your Life Purpose is. Every person is unique in their own way. God doesn't create Lego Land people that all look the same, talk the same, and have the same stories. God has a purpose for all of us. I know what my purpose is, do you? Everything that happens in life is to create the person you are today.

Working towards my Life's Purpose in 2010, I became a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (Life Coach). In spring 2012,  I went to India on a Yoga retreat where I volunteered in an Orphanage. In fall of 2012, I was invited to a private lunch with Oprah. In 2013,  I began my volunteer role with It Takes 2 Youth Leadership Institute.

In L.A. for a private lunch

As I move along with my Life Purpose, life really changed for me in 2012. Oprah wanted people to help grow the OWN Network, so as an individual who loves Oprah and Social Media, 30 of us came together to help Oprah build OWN. Now the 30 people have grown into thousands because of like minded people who want a place to go to for good soul T.V. and a great supportive community. Since then, I became a founding member of the OWN Ambassadors, had a private lunch with Oprah, attended Lifeclass in Toronto, private get together with Oprah backstage in 2013 in Ontario, regular tweet ups, and shot outs, and friends who call each other Framily. (OWN Ambassadors are Friends like family).

Founding OWN Ambassadors

One of my Life Goals is to write a book. My Life Purpose is to help individuals overcome the adversities in their life and find peace. When we can forgive, and let go, we free ourselves to endless opportunities. I share with you because I want to, I share with you because you are loved, and I share with you because you can do it. Let us help you become the strong individual you know you can be.

I would like to share with you how I coped. I realize the life I had did contribute to some really great things. For example, I love humour, it has been one of my greatest  strengths and coping mechanisms. Also, I am a very compassionate and non-judgemental individual, my family is first, and I've learned to love and forgive. But on the flip side I can separate bullshit from truth, I can separate myself or shut down when I have to. It is how I cope.

If you are ready to move from victim to victor, start here and let's talk. 

If you would like to share your story, and give others a voice, please feel free to contact me at shelley@shelleyharris.ca or through the "Contact" Tab on my website. www.shelleyharris.ca

Until the next time...Thanks for stopping by

Much Love and Peace,
Shelley

Consider it pure joy, whenever u face trials of many kinds, because u know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. -Jame 1:2



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