My Perspective is My Reality

Since moving here 3 years ago I felt I was adjusting quite well, I was meeting new people, going to church, and getting involved in the community. Things seemed to be going very well. Something I really enjoy is, meeting new people and listening to their stories. God knows I have lived through some pretty crazy and incredible experiences myself. Living in a small town, you'll hear things that you may not normally hear in the city. And, your told early on be careful what you share in a small town.

So with that I have been very quiet about some traumatic events in my family this past year. Without divulging too much information, I can say it has affected me to the core. I am not the person I was a year ago, these events have made me question my entire life. What is important to me, who is important to me, what are my priorities, and who will I hurt in the end? My life is very complex and ONLY I can answer and decide whats best for me. Either way someone is going to be affected by any decision I make.

Living away from family has been an adjustment. I knew it was going to be difficult, but when they gave me their blessings I was content. When my mom died the first year I was gone, it affected me deeply, especially since I couldn't make it back to Ontario before she past. But, when these traumatic events happened this past year, it put everything into perspective. The events were horrible abuse, two different people I love, two different stories, these were not just a one time thing, this was ongoing for long periods. Being a parent is something I wanted to be more then anything in this world, and as a parent it is my job to protect and love my children/family.

When I was a child I was sexually abused on multiple occasions, not one time did my parents protect me. I know the individuals in my family want to move on, and I do as well. BUT, I also know how much writing/journaling is so therapeutic. Sharing your story is extremely important, and building your support system is key. I've been encouraging my family members to share, one has chosen to share, the other is not ready yet. Keeping the abuse silent gives power to the abuser, even if it is one person you confide to, do it!

So where do I go from here? I long to be with my family in Ontario, and I long to be here with my family in Newfoundland. Someone, somewhere is not going to be happy with whatever I decide. This is a daily battle for me, loss of sleep, loss of passion, and loss of motivation. I used to be able to say I love the person I am, it took me years and years to get there. These days, I struggle to see that. I don't like how life has unfolded for me or my family.

People see me, I have the smile, I am kind, but I am also emotionally exhausted. I have a good life here with a husband and daughter who loves me more then anything, but I also have a son, and daughter in Ontario that I love and want to be with. So I will continue to pray, and take one day at a time, I know there is going to be a day where this all makes sense. but for right now, I do not understand.

Depression is real, never underestimate the mind of someone who is down and out. Reach out, even if it is just to listen. You may not know it, but you could be talking them off the "ledge".

I am a Certified Professional Coach (Life Coach) and Mentor but most importantly I am a parent. My feelings are real, and I have taken the advice I would normally give a client by sharing with you all. Being vulnerable and transparent is difficult, but it is also a very cathartic release.

Until then...thanks for stopping by.

Much Love,
Shelley xo

P.S. if you would like to share your story with me in confidence, please feel free to inbox me through Facebook or email, sharris0569@yahoo.ca